Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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