I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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