He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
