Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need some magic done to my vagina
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
