I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
