I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize