really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
