hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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