Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
