dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
