You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
