yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
