i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
