so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
