so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
