When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
