woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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