...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
