He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
