I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
