I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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