after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
