You can't special order awesome
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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