Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
