i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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