Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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