benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
