Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
