you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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