Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
