They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont even know how to be here
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
