Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
