What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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