Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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