I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
