i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
