You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize