90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
