last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
