it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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