No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
