it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
