Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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