Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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