She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize