May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My penis needs a shock collar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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