I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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