We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
