thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I take back everything I said about communal showers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
