I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
