I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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