You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
