I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
