Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
