You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
