I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
