so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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