His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
