If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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