fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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