your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
