I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
