i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
