ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
