Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to cum in my sink.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
