you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
