He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
