We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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