Can i not drive my cunt home
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
